MATT CONNARTON, CERTIFIED HYPNOTHERAPIST

By Matt Connarton, Certified Hypnotherapist

A message arrives with a tone you dislike. Someone interrupts you. A simple errand turns into a long wait.

You notice your shoulders tighten. You begin composing a sharp reply. The next few seconds offer an opportunity to pause and consider what you want to happen next.

Today’s practice is about rehearsing that moment of choice. Using focused attention, a small imagined situation, and a useful suggestion, you can explore how you would like to respond to an everyday frustration.

Give Your Response a Little Room

Think of a pause as time to ask yourself a practical question: “What response would serve me well here?”

With an irritating email, that might mean reading it again and asking for clarification. In a difficult conversation, it might mean saying, “Give me a moment to think about that.” During a long wait, it might mean choosing how to use the time.

The useful response depends on the situation. Your aim is to give yourself a chance to choose it.

Where Does Self-Hypnosis Fit In?

The National Institutes of Health describes hypnosis as a process that typically begins by directing attention toward something, such as breathing or an object, followed by suggestions related to a person’s goal.

The National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health also describes self-hypnosis programs in which people learn to use a self-chosen phrase or cue to prompt relaxation.

The exercise below applies focused attention and a personal suggestion to a modest, everyday goal: practicing a pause before responding. It is an opportunity to explore your response and notice what you experience.

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Try This Two-Minute Practice

Choose a quiet time when you can sit comfortably and give the exercise your attention.

1. Settle into your surroundings. Notice the support of the chair and the contact of your feet with the floor. Let your breathing stay easy and natural. Keep your eyes open or close them, whichever feels comfortable.
2. Choose a small frustration. Bring to mind an ordinary inconvenience, such as a slow checkout line or a mildly irritating message. Pick something manageable to practice with.
3. Rehearse the pause. Imagine noticing the situation, feeling your feet on the floor, and taking one comfortable breath. Give yourself a moment to decide what you want to say or do.
4. Offer yourself a suggestion. Silently repeat, “I can pause and choose how I respond.” Let those words accompany a few easy breaths.
5. Imagine a useful response. Picture yourself asking a clear question, speaking in a steady tone, or taking time to consider your answer. If mental pictures are difficult, describe the action to yourself in words.
6. Return your attention to the room. Look around, move your hands and feet, and notice what you want to carry into the rest of your day.

If imagining a situation feels uncomfortable, return your attention to the room. You can practice the phrase while noticing a neutral object nearby, or leave the exercise for another time.

Make the Pause Specific

Choose one situation in which you want to try this today. For example: “When I notice myself rushing to reply to a frustrating message, I will feel my feet on the floor, take one easy breath, and read it again.”

Then decide what you will look for during that second reading. Is there a question to answer? Is the person asking for something you can reasonably do? Would a short clarification help?

That gives the pause a purpose. You are making time for a particular decision.

A Deliberate Response Can Be Firm

You may decide to set a boundary, disagree, or end a conversation. A thoughtful response could sound like, “I can discuss this when we can both speak respectfully,” or, “I need more information before I agree.”

Choose words that express what matters to you. The pause gives you a moment to consider both your message and how you want to deliver it.

Notice Your Opportunities to Practice

Later today, reflect on one moment when you remembered to pause. What did you notice? What did you choose? What would you like to try next time?

If you remember only after a conversation has ended, take a quiet moment to rehearse the response you would have preferred. Keep the practice brief and focused on your next opportunity.

For today, choose one manageable situation and one useful phrase:

“I can pause and choose how I respond.”