You probably talk to yourself far more than you realize.
Not necessarily out loud.
It’s the running commentary happening throughout the day:
“I’m going to mess this up.”
“I’m terrible at this.”
“I have to get through today.”
“Why do I always do this?”
“I’ll never be able to change.”
We can repeat these kinds of statements so automatically that we barely notice them anymore.
But the language you repeatedly use with yourself can influence what you expect, where you focus your attention, and how you respond to situations.
That makes your inner voice worth paying attention to.
For a few hours, simply notice how you talk to yourself. Don't try to change anything yet. Just listen. You may be surprised by how often the same phrases appear.
Your Brain Is Always Listening
Imagine that every time you made a mistake, someone followed you around saying:
“You always screw things up.”
You probably wouldn't consider that person particularly helpful.
Yet many people routinely speak to themselves in ways they would never speak to someone they cared about.
The problem isn't that one negative thought somehow programs your mind forever.
We all have negative thoughts.
The more interesting question is what happens when certain messages become habitual.
If you repeatedly tell yourself that you're incapable, unlucky, awkward, stressed, weak-willed, or destined to fail, those ideas can start becoming part of the way you interpret new experiences.
You may begin noticing evidence that supports the story while overlooking evidence that contradicts it.
Watch Out for “I Am”
Two of the most powerful words in your internal vocabulary can be:
“I am.”
There's an important difference between saying:
“I made a mistake.”
and:
“I am a failure.”
One describes something that happened.
The other turns an event into an identity.
The same thing can happen with statements like:
“I'm bad with people.”
“I'm a procrastinator.”
“I'm just an anxious person.”
“I'm terrible at public speaking.”
“I'm not disciplined.”
Once something becomes part of the story you tell about who you are, changing the behavior can feel much more difficult.
Instead of: “I'm terrible at this.”
Try: “I'm still learning how to do this.”
Instead of: “I'm a procrastinator.”
Try: “I've been putting this off, and I can take one step now.”
Instead of: “I have no confidence.”
Try: “I'd like to become more confident in this situation.”
The Problem With “I Have To”
Here's another phrase worth noticing:
“I have to.”
I have to exercise.
I have to make this phone call.
I have to finish this project.
I have to eat better.
I have to deal with this problem.
Sometimes you really do have obligations. Changing your vocabulary doesn't make responsibilities disappear.
But “I have to” can make an